Scarsdale Friends Meeting

The Truth prospers with us in our meeting for worship. Our silence is warm and rich, and people are nurtured by the vocal ministry that rises from it. A nascent spiritual discussion group meets regularly before our meeting for worship. It is valued by the participants, and one non-participant feels that “it helps till the ground for our worship,"

The effort to bring more worship, and civility, to our meeting for worship with aconcern for business continues to bear fruit.

Our meeting now has two facilitated retreats every year. These retreats bring ustogether and are an opportunity for individual and collective spiritual growth. "We find ourselves with retreats. Outside facilitators shake us up in a gentle loving way and help us to grow.” “After the retreats, there is increased freedom in our worship, because of the opening up that takes place in the retreats." (Note: all unattributed quotations reflect sentiments expressed during the preparation of this report by someone in the meeting community.) At our last retreat, we named strengths and problems of our meeting. From this, we have new insights and initiatives.

Although we are spread out over fifty miles, and this presents very real challenges, we are a close community. Several Friends liken it to a family. We love one another. Our lives are “shaped by the meeting in ways we don’t even realize.” We are respectful of each other’s deep spiritual sensibilities; although with this respect comes reluctance to say anything offensive or hurtful. Some of us want “friendship more robust, challenging, and even messy.” One Friend put it this way: "Is there a way for me to say something that is loving but truthful and then listen to the response, be really open to the response? 'It is hard to deal with the places that rub.'"

More than a dozen individuals who played central roles in our meeting have died or left in the past 7 years, leaving us wondering if we can “fill their shoes.” Although we are happy and fortunate to have welcomed a number of new members and attenders, there are fewer of us, and our lives are pulled in many directions. We have trouble filling our committees. The responsibilities of maintaining the meetinghouse fall on a few. When the director of our nursery school moved away in the autumn of 2009, we found out how much she had been doing for us. In many areas of the meeting, one or two key people are doing the bulk of the work, leaving them overworked and subject to burn-out. We are working toward solutions to this. Our Social committee now schedules the members of the meeting community to help prepare coffee hour twice a year, and a similar approach has been suggested for other duties.

Contributions to the meeting have fallen in the past few years, a reflection both of the economic times and the loss of some members. On the other hand, we received a generous bequest from a Friend, who also left a large spiritual legacy.

We have few families with young children at this time. The meeting is addressing this issue with a program to introduce Quakerism to parents of children, either in our nursery school or in the community.

A strength of our meeting is the permission we give each other to follow our own spiritual paths. “People have come and stayed and developed confidence.” People are accepted and feel welcome, perhaps because we are all aware of our own"warts" and so we are accepting of others. We are a group of "warm and shy" misfits of many different varieties. People coming to Scarsdale meeting may discover that they have been given a leading and are encouraged to follow it. However, formal mechanisms by which the Meeting can support the ministries of our members and attenders are not easily apparent. One Friend suggests that we may be “too afraid of trampling the fragile flower of a Friend's ministry to really provide meaningful care for that flower.”

Many of us are involved in a variety of activities: encouraging right sharing of world resources, worshiping with incarcerated persons, and fostering care for the environment. Everyone can recognize these activities as ministry. Some of the Friends engaged in this work feel that they could use more support from the meeting. Some in the meeting have said they want a project that would engage us all, but it is not clear how to bring this about. We are basically a “good hearted group of people who tend to be over busy and distracted, and we lack awareness of the power of the meeting.” In some ways our busyness is positive, and many in the meeting feel enriched by the activities of others in the meeting.

A high point of the year was the fund raising dinner to buy holiday gifts for people in several local shelters. Many people came, many brought food, and people from the community also attended. The person who has been responsible for providing the gifts was delighted and warmed by the response of the meeting. In the past, a tag-sale was used to raise money. This year our Peace and Social Concernscommittee decided to try a sit-down fund-raising dinner instead. Area restaurants and individuals in the meeting contributed gourmet dishes. The dinner was wonderful. More than the expected amount of money was raised. Our Friend feels that she was supported by the meeting. Members of the meeting, especially the members of the Peace and Social Concerns and Social committees, who helped with the planning and carrying out of the event, feel that they have been able to contribute, both individually and collectively, to a good cause.

Many in the meeting feel that the above work belongs to them. One Friend suggested that “perhaps we need to own at a deep level that the ministries of each of us are the ministries of the meeting and, conversely, that the ministries of the meeting are each of our ministries.” Possibly, a forum where people could bring their leadings for clearness and support would help to bring us together.

It is against this backdrop of ambivalence over the relationship of individual and collective ministry that we discuss racism. Many in our meeting are actively involved in efforts to ameliorate the effects of racism, as well as other inequalities. Some are faithfully engaged in prison ministry; others are working to raise awareness of white privilege. “Racism is a many-tentacled monster, and there are many ways to work against it.” Our Women’s group read two books that deal with race issues, A Lesson Before Dying, and Walk With Us. Reading these books together allowed us to become aware of our own assumptions about race. Friends who are not directly involved with racism work say they are glad to be associated with a group that is so active. However, some Friends feel isolated in this work, some are deeply discouraged, and others are angry and wonder why the society doesn’t do more.

Scarsdale Friends Meeting aspires to embrace and reflect every aspect ofthe beautiful diversity of the human family, to welcome all persons regardless of their age, race, social class, sexual orientation or expression, prior religious background, political convictions, or theological notions. In our vision, we will love one another and practice communication that is truthful without being hurtful. We will become sensitive to love and beauty, as well as to all forms of pain, suffering, cruelty, injustice, and oppression, and to the needs, suffering, and wonder of our planet. We will support each other to discover the way forward in our own unique spiritual journeys and to discern how we are being called, individually and collectively, to help mend our world.